How to Tell if Your Husband Is in Love With Another Woman
Have you ever been in a relationship that was going great and things just started to... change? Unfortunately, subtle but palpable changes in your relationship could be a sign your partner is having an affair. And while every relationship is different, so there is no one-size-fits-all cheat-sheet (pun intended) to finding out if your partner is being unfaithful, there are a few universal signs your relationship is in trouble.
For example, if someone who was once affectionate and attentive suddenly seems distracted. Or, maybe you're not quite sure you can trust them. Unless you ask them point blank and they're 100% honest with you, there's no way to know for sure if your partner is cheating, but these signs are certainly a reason to have a serious conversation about the state of your relationship.
Related: What is Emotional Cheating?
"There are no definitive, across-the-board, telltale signs of cheating (unless you catch your partner red-handed, or they own up to what's going on)," Marie Murphy, a relationship coach with a Ph.D. in the sociology of sexuality, tells Woman's Day. You wouldn't be the first person, for example, to say you had "no idea" your partner was cheating until it became glaringly obvious. "And some cheaters are extremely good at covering their tracks!"
It would also be a mistake to suggest that any of these signs are absolute proof of cheating. "Sometimes people change their behavior or habits out of nowhere and don't offer much explanation for their reasons for these changes, and although this could seem suspicious, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with infidelity," Marie explains.
But there are some tell-tale signs that something is up, according to Murphy and other relationship experts. Whether you've been cheated on before and you're always scanning for hints of betrayal, or you've never been with a cheater and don't know what to expect, we've got a long list of suspicious behavior.
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1. There's someone new they can't stop talking about.
A partner who starts bringing up a new coworker, friend, running buddy, or otherwise could be a sign of infidelity — or a slippery slope to infidelity. "It's always a possibility that your partner is just excited about meeting someone new and there's nothing improper going on. But it's also important to remember that infidelity exists on a continuum, and there are many forms of cheating," Murhphy says. "It's not uncommon for a new connection with another person to gather intensity in a way that seems harmless at first... and then slides over the line into something that is pretty unambiguously outside of the bounds of the committed relationship."
2. There's more emotional distance than there used to be.
Any strong relationship requires conversation and emotional honesty, which leads to emotional intimacy. "When you see that your partner is not emotionally connecting with you, but making excuses to be away from you, that is one key sign of an affair," Ellen Kenner, Ph.D ,clinical psychologist, tells Woman's Day. A partner being emotionally unavailable can also be a sign of general relationship problems, not just infidelity. Howevr, with the right amount of work and, in many cases, relationship counseling, those problems are often fixable.
3. They're suddenly more affectionate.
It might not be the first thing to come to mind, but a partner who's going above and beyond — whether it's with public displays of affection, "just because gifts," or household chores — can also be a red flag. "Guilt and the need to cover up the affair may motivate your partner to be more 'affectionate' toward you," Kenner explains. "Flowers arriving for you? Gifts? You may smell a rat."
4. They're putting more effort into their appearance.
Changes in appearance can be a sign of adultery. For example, if your partner is dressing nicer, working out more, paying more attention to their grooming, or putting on perfume or cologne more regularly than they're used to, it could be to appeal to someone else. "Your partner is motivated to impress someone," Kenner says. And if that someone isn't you, it's possible they're having an affair.
5. They're gone more often than they used to be.
Just like looking nicer than usual, being gone more often is another classic sign of an affair. "Your partner seems to have a lot more work drifting into the wee hours of the night, more weekend calls to be at work or on a 'business trip,'" Kenner says. But instead, they're creating time to be with someone else. Even if your partner isn't cheating, spending less time together can also be an unfortunate sign that you're falling out of love with each other.
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6. They accuse you of cheating.
It might sound wild, but one go-to strategy of guilty cheating partners hoping to hide their infidelity is to flip the conversation around and try to accuse you of cheating. "This can be a way to deflect the blame off of them and also to make them look like someone who really values fidelity and would never cheat themselves," Suzannah Weiss, certified sex educator and love coach, tells Woman's Day. But it's not always about manipulation, either. "They may genuinely be suspicious because they've seen firsthand that it's possible to get away with cheating."
7. They're making big cash withdrawals.
No surprise, but money talks. If you notice cash withdrawals from your joint accounts that are out of your partner's usual spending limit or habit, alarm bells ought to ring. "They could be using cash to pay for their outings with another person so that their activities aren't trackable," Weiss says. If nothing else, it's worth talking to your partner about where the money is going.
8. They can't seem to keep straight what they've already told you.
When your partner starts divulging intimate thoughts to someone new, it can be hard for them to keep who they've talked to straight. If they start asking, "Have I already told you this?" regularly, be wary. "They may be confiding in you less because they've found a new confidant," Weiss explains.
9. They seem overly invested in your comings and goings.
"Another telltale sign of cheating is asking a lot of questions about your schedule and where you'll be when," Weiss says. What time are you going to be home? When are you going to see your girlfriends? There's having a general knowledge of your partner's whereabouts, and there's finding pockets of time to see and be with someone else. "They might be trying to make sure they don't get caught," Weiss explains.
10. They get more possessive over their belongings.
"Many times, the cheating partner can start to become overly sensitive over his/her non-shared personal items such as their phone, car, or living space," Lauren Peacock, relationship expert and author of Female. Likes Cheese. Comes with Dog.: Stories About Divorce, Dating, and Saying "I Do , tells Woman's Day. "For example, if before he/she left their phone out while taking a shower, they may start to bring it into the bathroom with them or become very agitated when their significant other asks to look at a funny video or something else on the phone." That kind of possessiveness can signal that they're actively hiding something — or someone.
11. They gaslight you when you ask if they're cheating.
If you confront your partner and they get wildly upset about your accusation, that's a pretty terrible sign. "Anytime that a partner is cheating, usually the biggest tell is when they are confronted by it and they deny by turning it around onto their partner," Peacock says. "Maybe they blame their significant other for watching too many TV shows that put 'crazy thoughts' into their head when in all reality, they've simply figured out what's been going on behind their back."
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12. Your nose is sending you signals.
A person's sense of smell can be exactly the sense they need when it comes to figuring out whether or not their partner is cheating, according to Kenner. "Interesting and unusual smells on your partner [can be a sign]," she says. If you find yourself noticing perfume on your partner that isn't yours, there may be something untoward going on.
13. You start catching your partner in little white lies.
"Lies might spring up about other, unimportant things," Briony Leo, a certified psychologist and head coach at the relationship coaching company, Relish, tells Woman's Day. While cheating might be the big, overarching lie, there might be several minor lies your partner has to tell in order to conceal the affair. "These might be minor things like stopping off to buy groceries, or a major assignment at work that is taking a lot of time." Of course, your partner may have another reason for lying. But either way, a pattern like that should be addressed.
14. Sex just doesn't feel intimate anymore.
Sex can be a real connective act in a healthy relationship. And if one partner strays, it can also be the first place you notice trouble. "If you have sex, you may find your partner having that thousand-mile-look during arousal," Kenner says. You might notice your partner feels distant even when you're actively unclothed, or that they get bursts of sexual energy that don't seem connected to you. "You are not the focus; your partner is thinking of their lover."
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15. They just don't get as upset about things anymore.
If you and your partner used to argue but they take a sudden about-face, it could actually be a signal that they've checked out and are focusing their passions on someone else. "When you have other options, you are less affected by problems in a relationship. This is often misinterpreted as someone growing more patience, but, it often signals they are distracted with someone else," Nicholas Hardy, a psychotherapist in Houston, Texas, tells Woman's Day.
16. They stop talking about your future together.
"The future is reserved for those you envision one with," Hardy says. If your partner has started seeing someone else, that may no longer be you. "When someone questions if you will be a part of their future, they talk less about their own future with you."
17. Your gut says something is up.
Look, clear signs are great, but there's also just the plain fact that sometimes in a relationship your gut says something is off. "You know your partner and their 'tells' better than anyone! So trust your instincts," Murphy says. "If something seems amiss — if your partner sounds unusual in a way that kicks up your interest and leaves you with a funny feeling in your stomach when they mention that new person they just met at the [wherever], it might be an indication that they're experiencing a passing infatuation... but it also could be a clue that there's a lot more going on than just a little crush."
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How to Tell if Your Husband Is in Love With Another Woman
Source: https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a1586/11-signs-that-he-might-be-having-an-affair-107288/